I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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