I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
