i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
