Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
