Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
