I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
