my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
