That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
