ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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