I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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