you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
