Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
