So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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