i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
