I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
