If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
