Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
