you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
