It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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