p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My bed smells like the plague
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
