the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
