I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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