just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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