i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
