I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
