I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
