Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
