Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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