"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
