I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
