I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
