I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
