i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
