I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
