I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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