My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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