dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
