he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
