I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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