I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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