I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
