i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
