i need an iv and a liver transplant
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
