Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
