Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
