i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
