wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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