Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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