This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
