dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
