so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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