I didn't shave. On purpose
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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