he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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