Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
