she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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