I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
