I hate your face
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
